Archive | November, 2012

THAT mother

30 Nov

I have no idea why most mothers I meet are so competitive. Apparently I didn’t get the memo when I gave birth to my son that I’m supposed to document everything and flaunt how smart the little guy is. Yea I think he’s smart but I’m sure not everyone cares.

Anyway when the little guy was around 4 months old I decided I needed to get out of the house more so I joined a church group. Seems harmless right? I grew up going to church and felt that would be a safe place to meet other mothers going through the same struggles I was going through.

Right off the bat it did not go well. I felt like the little freshman in a room full of seniors. Not that it mattered that everyone else had more than one kid or that everyone was at least 8 years my senior – everyone else just seemed to have everything all figured out already. Boy was that not the case for me. I had hardly begun my path as a mom and was navigating blindly.

During one of the get togethers I was talking to another mom about feeding. My son had not started solids yet but I was doing research about it and had decided to do Babyled Weaning ( more on this later) and I mentioned that to the woman I was talking to. She made a face at me and said, “oh. You’re THAT kind of mother?” I was completely taken aback and had no idea what to say. My mind was racing – what does that mean? Is that bad? Did I say something offensive?

Once I was home I called my mom. What does this mean? I asked her. She said not to worry that’s just one more way for other women to compare their way of parenting to yours. Its not the last time it will happen – but it’s unfortunate you’ve already experienced it.

So I have not returned to this group of women. Its a shame but I did not feel welcome and what the woman said to me was just plain rude. I hope throughout your choices you make as a parent no-one says something like THAT to you.

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Traveling with baby…part 1

27 Nov

So this past week was the kickoff of the holiday season. Turkey anyone? Although I had a bIg plate full of turkey, stuffing & mashed potatoes I’m geared up for more! Anyone with me?

Anyway this was our first big traveling experience with a toddler who hates his carseat. Last year we lucked out because when he was itty bitty he loved his seat & slept the whole ride down to my grandparents house (6.5 hours). This time oh how the tables had turned. I had done extreme planning for this 5 day trip in advance as I knew this was no time to ‘wing it’. I made my trip to Target to pick out Mom approved snacks, packed the favorite toys & laid my sunshine down for a nap right before take-off.

Once my husband arrived home from work we set off. Not only were we traveling with an infant- but an anxIety driven beagle/basset dog – the joys of parenthood. After 10 minutes my son was bored. Yeay. We had decided a halfway point to bunk up for the night & we still had 2.5 hours to go. Snacktime started early! After snacktime we re-read the same book a dozen timed then played peek-a-boo. It was a blur of toddler age games & anything that would keep my son occupied. But still I could not keep him entertained the whole time. Fifteen minutes to our destination the tears began… what did I do? I had already played patty cake 100 times, he was begining to reject all toys handed to him, it was go time.

I’m not proud that I’ve resorted to bribing my 13 month old son, I thought it would be awhile before that was my game-but you live & you learn. I reached down into the snack bag, grabbed the box of bunny graham crackers & popped one in his mouth. The tears subsided as he chewed & he smiled. Sugar! Mommy never gives me sugar! And he held out his hand for another. Instead of being upset I already had a plan. Break up the graham crackers so he doesn’t fill up in sugar but he still gets the satisfaction of a naughty treat.

Yes. Not 3 hours into our trip I had given in to bribery. My mother talks about pouring piles of chocolate chips to get my brothers & I to sit down & shut up. Now I know why. Its the little battles that you don’t need to win. Give yourself a break & give the kid a treat.

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Love

18 Nov

So… upon finding out a child will soon be running your life I’m sure most people feel scared & happy. Or some sort of combination including either of those. I’ve heard of some mothers immediately starting to eat better & exercise to take care of their precious bundle & nothing could be better! Although I did nothing to harm myself or anything wildly unhealthy I was not a mother that really understood what was going on. I took my prenatal vitamin & went to all my appointments but I was in no mind to say I was actually prepared. Yes we had everything we needed but that wasn’t the issue.

The overwhelming love that happens between a mother and a child can only be known by a mother. The child grows up & loves their mother but until they have children of their own they cannot know how love can overwhelm & consume you.  Its like God sent an angel to be with you.

For me it took 2 days. The day we finally chose a name for our son I cried nonstop because it was at that moment I knew I was a mother & my baby was the greatest gift I had ever been given. My doctor chose that moment to come into the room & tell me I had the ‘baby blues’ and it was hormones. I don’t care what it was – because it sure snapped me into mommy mode & I needed that.

I wish there was a way to describe the feeling of total & consuming love – but it’s a feeling so wonderful you have to experience it to believe me. I thought when I married my husband I couldn’t feel more joy than that day – but the love between a mother &  a child is a love with no strings attached & no wondering if that love will ever cease. It is truely Gods greatest gIft on earth – the gift of a tiny miracle.

Potty

12 Nov

My son is 12 months old – which means he is fairly young to be potty training – however, I am trying anyway. Needless to say today I sat him on the potty and he peed on the opposite wall. Who knew?

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So here I am cleaning myself off & enjoying the time I spend mopping up urine. It’s not like he doesn’t pee on me regularly – but it’s still suprising when it happens.

My experience with the Epidural

12 Nov

I had the epidural. I had decided to hell with feeling pain – it’s not for me.

Honestly I’m sure it hurt getting the epidural but I don’t remember much. I was not loving the labor thing so I blocked out parts of the day.

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Anyway – after getting the epidural I had a hotspot right on the inside of my pelvis. It was the only place I could feel the contractions – but I could feel them. Naturally when I told the nurse that she said ‘oh great’ like I had done It on purpose.

No one ever explained to me that this could happen. I don’t suspect everyone has this experience so maybe they don’t want to scare anyone… it’s like a burning sensation is one localized region. I can only assume it can be anywhere… I had it by my hip bone.

I had read the common side effects are headache & nausea – I didn’t experience either of these. I know they were about to redo the epidural when I found out I would need a c-section. No one appeared alarmed – like I said – my nurse was pretty much just annoyed with me the whole time. Maybe it’s because I’m so pretty… ha!

There you have it – one more thing I figured out in the delivery room

Ten reasons not to have a C-Section

12 Nov

After being in labor with my son for 12 hours my doctor informed me my sons head was ‘coning’ (they literally come out looking like they have a cone head-I have photos to prove it) and I should have a c-section. She told me we could wait till I needed to push & see if he fits or we can do it under less stressful circumstances. By this point in time I was exhausted, I was so over the labor thing it wasn’t funny- and I opted for the c-section.

Then I started to get nervous. I was so nervous my whole body shook & I couldn’t stop. I had just realized this is major surgery we’re talking about-they were going to cut me open and mess around with my insides. Not only were they goIng to do that but I told them that was ok. Of course I started thinking about all the different possibilities & physcing myself out. In hindsight that was the worst thing I could have done.

So they wheeled me down the hall to the OR as my husband put his scrubs on… I still had no idea that I was going to give birth to a real live baby. That was so beyond my perception I can’t even begin to tell you – but back to the story – I had already gotten an epidural & had a hotspot as I explained in an earlier post so on the table they did a quick spinal block & laid me down. Curtain went up & it was almost show time.

Before I list off the horrible negatives about my experience let me say this: my mother had 2 c-sections & shrugged it off as ‘just some tugging & pulling’ so I was going into this thinking what a cake walk this will be. Oh no. Let me assure you it will forever be one of the best & worst 45 minutes of my life.

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So here it is, my 10 reasons not to elect a c-section:

1. It is NOT just some tugging and pulling. Its more like ripping and slashing. Its horrid.

2. You can feel hands inside you. You feel your uterus being taken out of your body, placed on the floor and stepped on.

3. No amount of soothing from your partner will distract you from what is happening in your body.

4. You only get to glance at your baby before they wrap him/her up & hand him/her to your partner.

5. You won’t have an anesthesiologist telling you they are currently sewing up your uterus and will put it back in your body soon… excuse me? My uterus is WHERE?!

6. You will have a good 45 min to an hour before you get to hold your baby.

7. Nurses have a job to do and they are not gentle when ‘cleaning you up’ after surgery. Good thing they give you morphine.

8. You have no control over what is happening while you are on the operating table.

9. The ‘tugging and pulling’ was so bad I figured I should out it on here twice. Imagine you take some skin from your belly button & pull it far enough to go over your head. Does that sound uncomfortable? It is.

10. This one is sad but I have to write it. I was so upset over my experience in the OR I couldn’t smile at the camera when I held my son for the first time. I knew in my heart that I loved him – I was just so upset that I was all business & no emotion with my son. I regret that the most.

The next time I saw my doctor she said it was a good thing we went with the c-section because he wouldn’t have fit. So I would have been on that table either way. It’s a shame but I just wished I had known ahead of time what I was in for. Maybe if I had an idea of has would happen I wouldn’t have been so upset…I’m not sure.

People say the easy way out is the c-section & it seems to be put on a pedestal as a great option. I think if they’re going to build it up as something great they need to tell us how it feels to lay on a cold, hard table & have a baby ripped out of our stomachs. I’m just saying..

It all started when….

11 Nov

So about 20 or so months ago I got the results… I peed on a stick in the bathroom (oh how glorious a moment that is) waited the full 3 minutes and BAM! It was official… I was pregnant. But guess what?  I was not married, I had a temp job, and my boyfriend didn’t want kids. Whoops!

When I was growing up I honestly believed that once you were married God would wave his hand over you and you would then be able to get pregnant.  That was a long time ago, but still, it was something I honestly thought was true.  Needless to say over the years I learned the cold hard truth, and proceeded to get my self into this predicament.

The first lesson is this:  its not always all smiles and giggles when you get your results that in approximatly 9 months your world is going to tip right over and be bombarded with the slogan “YOU ARE NOW A PARENT”. However, people will never react how you would expect them to.  For example, I told my father and he was unbeleivably excited.  I was petrified to tell him and guess what? It ended great! (I am the only girl in the family)

From the time I found out about my pregnancy to the time my son was born I got married, blew through 3 jobs, my husband lost his job, I gained 50 lbs and we somehow still made it to the finish line alive to tell the tale…

Expect the unexpected.  The book “What to Expect when you’re expecting” – although is a wonderful book with lots of great advice, it doesn’t even scratch the surface.  You are about to become a mother.  No amount of what I tell you here, or what you read elsewhere will prepare you for what is about to happen to you.