Tag Archives: Humor

Booger-Picking Good Time

4 Jun

Recently my son has taken up the hobby of picking his nose. I will admit – I think its hilarious. But of course good parents don’t laugh hysterically when their children pick their nose – they gently tell the child it isn’t socially acceptable. I am apparently not mature enough to deal with this kind of thing yet. Can I get a big HAHAHA!

Maybe its just me… but I find it funny that he runs around the house picking his nose. I do know why he does it though – my husband is constantly picking his own nose (that is not funny.. because he’s not 1 1/2). This evening he even fell asleep while picking his nose. I can’t make this up! He laid in bed picking his nose and once he got bored he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I’m sure as with everything else that he will grow out of this. Of course I did correct him when he tried to eat his boogers – that’s gross – but otherwise I’m sure it’s just a phase.

Laying down the law

23 May

**drum roll please**

Its official. “I ain’t takin no crap no more!” Horrible english language aside – it is true. I’m done with the tantrums and the fits. Guess who reigns supreme here baby? Thats right. You can call me Warden. From now until my son turns 18, I am going to run this house with an iron fist! And did I mention chocolate?

Ha Ha

Ok all joking aside, someone has apparently had too much sugar before sitting down at the computer… But I decided a few days ago that it was time for some “house rules”. They were carefully selected and posted on the fridge (which means its official) and so far we have been trying to abide by these rules.

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1. If you HIT, you SIT

My reasoning behind this one is this: my son doesn’t sit still and therefore I’m not going to try time out. Sounds like too much of a headache and I just don’t want to deal. What I have come up with is that the minute he hits, bites, screams, or just in general does something naughty he is to sit down and we talk about what just happened and why it is unacceptable. So far it has been working, the effectiveness of this will be shown in about 5 years.

2. Food is to be eaten, you have one chance per meal

I am SICK of picking up food from the floor. Yes I know children need to explore textures and blah blah blah – I’m done with it. If he wants to explore textures – we will do that with play dough and sand. So the minute something gets dumped, out of the seat – meal time is over.

3. Unless you are playing catch, toys are not to be thrown.

My son has quite an arm on him. He can throw a further than you’d think and with surprisingly good aim. That being said – I’m tired of getting pelted from behind by sharp plastic toys.

4. Pick up your mess

My husband has already called me out on this rule – pointing at the fridge and flailing about saying I broke my own rule. Ok. This one I made to hopefully get us all in the routine of picking up toys before bedtime. Or some point… it’s no secret that I’m a bit of a mess all the time. But I clean constantly to try to remedy that – it’s the ‘routine’ I’m trying to emphasis here.

5. Hugs and Kisses are always welcome 🙂

I don’t want all the rules to be horrible. I don’t believe we need many, and its fun to have a rule that’s just silly. Of course hugs and kisses are always welcome!

There you have it – we have officially crossed from innocent baby to rambunctious toddler in 2.0 seconds. Some day – he will thank me.

The terrible twos have arrived

19 May

Is it just me or does this misnomer suck? The ” terrible twos” leads you to believe that from age 2 – 3 your child will throw many tantrums. This is inaccurate where the B is concerned. From the 12 month mark up until now we have been knocking on the door of the wicked “terrible twos” – and as of last week there is no doubt that they have arrived.

Spitting, hitting, biting, screaming, kicking, throwing – terror of a child. If the tantrum starts in a public place I simply look around as if saying “whose child IS this?” My child is an angel (haha that.has never been true but I can dream).

I guess we should be glad he is showing personality – even if it is of the defiant nature. I of course blame his difficult behavior on my husband and he blames it on me.

In the meantime I will keep the fridge stocked with beer and the wine rack stocked full of wine. The fun years have begun.

The Art of Bribery

7 May

Yesterday was my sons 18 month appointment. So naturally I dreaded the 11 o’clock appointment like it was the plague and finally settled on a way to deal with it. Hershey’s Kisses.

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When my son was younger we would endure the screaming from the time he entered the exam room until the time we arrived home. It was not fun in the slightest but we lived through it. One great thing about nursing waz that I could nurse him right after he was given the shots. Easy as pie the baby would stop screaming – at least for a few minutes until I told him he couldn’t nurse all the way home. We only nurse right before naptime and bedtime now – so that was no longer an option.

We arrived at the doctors office and he was in full terror mode. Climbing over all the chairs, knocking stacks of magazines off the table, and trying to wake-up a newborn baby girl who was asleep in her carrier. Finally the nurses called us back to the room for him to be weighed and measured. Measuring in at 33 lbs and 33 1/4 inches is my idea of a whopping huge 18 month old, and boy is he proud of it strutting his stuff back to the exam room.

Once the doctor opened the door the screaming began. His face must be imprinted on my sons brain as evil, because he screams the minute he sees him. After speaking with the doctor for ten minutes or so I pulled out a chocolate kiss and my son quieted down as he waited for me to unwrap it. “Oh!! Not so bad now is it?” the doctor asked. We both laughed awhile about the art of bribing children. B’s doctor is all for it – if it works why not? We were laughing about how before babies are born parents think ” I would NEVER bribe my child, he will be very well-behaved with out any sort of incentive what so ever” 🙂 I will admit that yes, I was one that thought this way. But chocolate just works so well….

I don’t bribe my son all the time, no its not like that. But on occasion I don’t think it matters too much. Especially when I know that he has to get a shot and that isn’t fun – might as well stash a few reserve chocolate kisses in the purse for myself as well!

High heels and sweatpants

26 Apr

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Sometimes I walk around my house in heels…. without changing out of my sweatpants. I know what you’re thinking – that sounds downright sexy – and it is!

I have a problem – when my son was born my love affair with heels 3″ and higher did not diminish – it grew stronger. Now I have tons of shoes I can’t chase my son around in. Its tragic.

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So I wear them around the house while I fold laundry. What guy doesn’t want to come home to see his wife doing chores in heels? Mine. Of course – like I mentioned – I’m usually wearing sweats.

🙂 Happy Friday!

Afternoon Coffee Anyone?

11 Apr

I have started an afternoon coffee club with myself. Its another excuse for me to drink this lovely liquid that does nothing to quench my thirst but everything to making myself able to stand upright after 2 pm. Lately it’s become harder and harder to motivate myself after I put B down for his nap – I just want to lay there and nap with him… oh the life… so I’ve taken to drinking a cup of half-caff (how I wish it were full caff) to motivate myself to do something.

When I was 15 I was an exchange student in Germany for a year – 11 months to be exact – and everyday around 2 or 3 we would break for cappuccinos and a sugary snack. I loved the tradition and wished I did something of the sort here – but afternoon coffee alone isn’t as fun. If I lived across the street from a dear friend or walking distance to my mother how fun would the afternoon chit-chat be? I guess I think of it as a little bit romantic – my husband could care less about this sort of thing and most Americans have no time to sit idle by and drink a cup of joe while reflecting on their day.

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All this being said, even though I have no-one to share it with, I do enjoy my coffee addiction 🙂

Peeing on the floor…

9 Apr

I’m not sure if I should take this as a sign to potty train (I will probably try) but here goes the latest development as far as my son goes…

Last week a friend and I decided to go on a mini vacation (I am writing a post on that experience – stay tuned!!) and my hotel room was exceptionally hot. Even with the air conditioning on full blast and the windows open – I was having a hard time cooling the place down. So I let my son run around in his diaper. In case he caught a chill during the night I put a t-shirt on him and that’s how he slept.

The following morning he jumped out of bed – or rather shimmied his way off and headed straight for the bathroom. I will admit I was completely exhausted and didn’t feel like moving right away so I didn’t. After his usual chatter he came running out with no diaper on and pointing towards the bathroom. At this point I got up and went to the bathroom to see what he did.

He peed all over the floor. I was surprised but cleaned it up and put a diaper on him. Later that day he did the same thing. And he did it twice yesterday with one time being the ugly poop on the floor. Oh yeay.

So I think he wants to go in the potty. We have the seat for the regular toilet but it looks like he wants to do this on his own with minimal guidance from mom. So we shall see – off to find a child sized potty. Yeay – one more thing to clean.